We're Back!!!

Wow, Ez here, been a long time, huh? Well Maggie’s outta the big house and we’re on the lam!

Apparently the Hains dug up all sorts of dirt on Ms. M and it looked like she was going away for a long while. So she decided to break out. Easier said than done! The Hain’s have been working for the Government since the Civil War. They’ve been magic proofing all sorts of things. Government buildings, jails, prisons, cop’s badges, the works!! So Mags couldn’t just teleport out of the place, but she had a plan!

She seduced a guard in the jail, and one night the two of them snuck back into the laundry room. Well as soon as he had is anti magic badge off and tried to jam his tongue down her throat, WAMMY! Mags knocked him out and laid a few spells on him. Then she walked over to the laundry hamper and stood in it. If there’s one type of spell Mags knows its turning people into clothing. So Poof! Mags turned herself into a bra and waited for the laundry to be taken out. Fortunately this jail sends out for their laundry. I intercepted the van and dug Maggie out of the pile of clothing. No easy task by the way. A quick counter spell and she was back to normal.

She did grab a few other bits of clothing from the pile too. Other convicts that she promised to take with her when she escaped. She failed to mention that they would wind up in her panty drawer and not on the street, oh well.

The Guard? Well he, er she’s serving 15 to 25 in Mag’s place! He looks pretty good as a southern belle with a white stripe in her hair. A few vocal impairments have kept him from spoiling the plan. At least he should enjoy the shower in the women’s prison.

Anyway the big reason that I haven’t been able to keep up with these blogs was that for the last few weeks I’ve been packing up Mag’s stuff and selling her house. If she’s gonna be in prison she can’t also live in the same place! And to top that off once I got her we’ve gone on a little road trip. Mags has been cooped up for a couple of months she wants to get away from it all. She packed light, Maggie plans on picking up new clothing on the way.

So, we piled into my gremlin (with its wonderful hood ornament) and we’re off to see this wild open country. So keep a look out, maybe we’ll visit your town!

The Troubles with Terry

Hi, its still me, Ez! Ms. M is still on the pokey. You might have heard about all the escapes from the local jail. Well I know where they are! Ms. M is wearing them!!

The lawyer says that we can get her out soon. That’s sorta a pitty as I like having the house all to myself. Me and Terry have been able to get in some nice make out sessons with her gone.

Yeah, Terry’s still a girl, you got a problem with that?!

I actually think I know how to turn him back but I haven’t told him yet. I’m not sure I want Terry back as a guy. Don’t get me wrong, I like Guys and all, but its more fun having him as a girl. He’s so much more fun to hang out with like that. I suppose I’ll turn him back eventualy. I could always “Fem” him again later.

You might be wondering how he got “Femed” in the first place. Well He and I went to this anime Con. As Conventions like this its common for people to dress up as characters from Japanese cartoons, and sometimes to do skits up on a stage. Well I convinced Terry that we should dress up as two characters from Naruto.

Naruto’s an anime about Ninjas. Different ninjas have different “Magical” abilites. The lead character, Naruto, does something called Sexy Ninjitsu where he breafly turns himself into a sexy chick to distract his enemies.

So anyway, the idea was that up on the stage Terry, dressed as Naruto, would perform a sexy ninjitsu live. Of course it was me casting the spell not him, but it looked great and people loved him or the rest of the con. Of course then I discovered that “Feming” a guy is a lot harder than “UnFeming” them. Who knew?

Could have been worse, he could have been dressed up as Optimus Prime!

Jail house suck!

Hi! Ez here! Maggy hasn’t been able to post resently since she in jail right now. Yeah! Jail! You would think a witch as powerful as her wouldn’t have to worry about the fuzz but it turns out that their badges are all magic proofed and all. Who knew? Well Mags did.

We were shopping down town and when we came back to the car there was a cop checking it out. I figured that Mags had stumbled across another “Bargan” set of drawers but no, she suddenly goes all nice and polite with the cop.

He’s all like: “Is this your car ma’am?”

And she’s like: “Yes, is there a problem officer?”

I’m sitting there grinning waiting to see what she’ll do to the cop. I even mouth off a bit, but comeon! I didn’t know magic wouldn’t work on him. So he gets pissed off with me, and Mags threatens to turn me into a bra pernimant like if I don’t shut up. Next thing I know another cop car pulls up and Maggy’s being put in cuffs.

Turned out her car hadn’t had its license updated in 25 years or so, add on that it was stolen, and Mags hadn’t had a license either for 40+ years… Well shes in deep!

Anyway I try to go pay her bail but the judge said no way. Get this his last name is Hain!! Small fucking world huh?

I visit her in the Jail she’s got on that ugly ass orange jump suit tho I so notice a few nice accessories that were probably her holding cell mates. She gets me to write down a bunch of instructions to give to some lawer guy she knows.

So I head out in my car to some ratty part of town and go into this rundown building. Inside I find this office with a guy in it. Mean looking dude too! I tell him all about Magnolia’s problems and he’s all pissed off, but aperently he owes her or something.

So here I am picking up Maggs Blog for the interm. She’s weird about little details like that. So I guess I’ll be telling you all about the crap that’s going on in my life for a while.

Oh and Terry says hi!!

Finishing Buisness

The Hains. They had no business on this side of the Mason-Dixon and they know it. That’s why I hadn’t warned Ez. The Hain Family and My Family were feuding. A regular Hatfield and McCoy shindig. Only with magic. And now Ez was caught in the middle of it.

She had been turned into the hood ornament and was now being driven around by a particularly disagreeable member of that family, and her boy friend, who is at present a member of the fairer sex is in the back of the car about to be gang raped.

I quickly got into my car and took off following Ez. I had a tracking spell on her. As I’ve said, it pays to keep track of apprentices! I followed them across town to a run down house in the middle of nowhere. The Hain boy had set it up as his own personal club house for his gang. I spent a moment studying it for magical traps. The Hains weren’t good magicians as such, but they were very adept in the use of magical items. There were several stone animals here and there around the property as well as a statue of a jogger who made the mistake of cutting through their yard.

I cast a few spells on myself to protect me and I got out of the car. The boy’s car with Ez on the hood was parked, badly, in front of the house. I could hear the sounds of young men hooting and cheering inside.

As I approached the car the ornament that was Ez flexed and pulled free of the hood, she walked across the metal over to me. Her chrome arms moved around casting a spell, and the chrome disappeared as she grew back into her normal self.

“That Muther Fucker!!” She growled.

I motioned to her. “Come on, lets get out of here.”

“What about Terry? He’s still in there!”

“Terry is not my problem. You are. Now let’s go!”

“Stuff that, I’m going in, that asshole is not going to get the drop on me again!” she turned around and stalked toward the house.

I grabbed her just before she stepped on the grass. “That boy is a member of the Hain family! And if he sees you again he’ll know you’re a magic user and he won’t use such a simple spell on you this time. You’ll be a trophy on his hood permanently!”

“Are you going to let them rape Terry?” Ez was on the verge of crying.

I stood there and thought back to the days of the war. Solders, in both blue and grey, wandering the country side doing whatever they pleased to any woman, young or old. I escaped only because of my family’s powers, but too many of my friends did not.

I squared my shoulders and glared at the house. “Stay here!”

I walked up the path and pointed at the front door. It became splinters. The gang of young men stared at me, silhouetted by the sun in the open door. Terry was nude and dancing on a table, her mind under the Hain boy’s control. Had it been a Hollywood movie I would have said something memorable. Instead I just started to cast spells.

The Hain boy held out the longest. He had good defenses, I’ll give him that, but not good enough. I led Terry out while dragging the boy to Ez. “Here, he’s yours. I took off all of his protection spells.”

Ez grabbed him by the chin and looked him in the face. “I am not FAT!” he then vanished, and was replaced by a tiny chromed woman in Ez’s hand. “How do you like it? You’ll look so nice on the hood of my car!” Ez then looked up at Terry. “Are you Ok?”

Terry was wobbly on her feet. The mind control would blur out the last few hours. (A good thing if you ask me, even thought the gang never got past “Foreplay”.) “Ah, I’m alright I think. Where did I get these clothes?”

I laid my hand on Terry’s shoulder. “You and Ez went shopping remember?” In fact all the clothing that she had been wearing had been cut off and ruined by the gang -- the same gang that she was now wearing. A fitting solution to the problem if you ask me.

I grabbed the new hood ornament from Ez, “May I?” I first made sure that the boy inside was aware and alive, I then cast a spell I save for special occasions. He would now be a hood ornament forever. No spell I knew of could ever undo that change.

I looked at Ez, “Are you sure you want to put this fine ornament onto your car? You could always take his car.”

“A Hummer 2? No way.” Ez Grinned “Besides, I think he, er she’ll look so much better on my Gremlin!”

I actually heard the hood ornament scream.

An Ugly Head Rears

Sorry I missed a week I’ve been busy.

After the episode in the Coffee shop I decided to keep an eye on Ez and her “Friend”. I cast a scrying eye spell on her so that I could watch her if I wanted too. (I recommend that to anyone with an apprentice.) Mind you I don’t watch her at all times, but its still a good idea to keep tabs on up and coming spell casters.

She met up with her friend at the mall and spent the day shopping for clothing. Apparently her friend didn’t have many clothes fit for a young lady. By this time it was pretty clear that Ez had some how managed to turn her Boyfriend into a Girlfriend, and was not able to undo the spell yet. Further more she didn’t trust me enough to ask for help.

I’m not the mad spell thrower that everyone thinks I am, I do have self control. I don’t just turn anyone into clothing. Well not everyone. But I wouldn’t change Ez’s Beau into a set of undergarments just for the heck of it. Nor would I turn her back into a man. Ez made the mistake, and it’s up to her to fix it, or to learn to live with it.

I continued to watch them as the left the mall and wandered into the parking deck. Terry, Ez’s friend was still wining about having to wear “Girl Clothes”. Men are such babies!

Terry: Why not pants? Pants are good, girls wear pants too.

Ez: You look good in a skirt. You have nice legs. Show em off!

Terry: I don’t want nice legs. I want my scrawny hairy legs back.

Ez: And I’m working on that! At least your Frat isn’t bothering you any more.

Terry: No, I’m surprised they didn’t kick me out after you, you know.

Ez: They won’t, they don’t want me to turn them into something worse!

Terry: So, how much longer do you think we’ll all be girls? I mean, will it be more than a month? Cuz, Um, you know periods and all…

Ez: Oh, Grow up! And I’m not sure I’m changing anyone back other than you, and maybe not even. You are kinda cute like that.

Terry: Huh?

Ez: Wutza matter? Not into girls?

It was at this point things went sour. A group of young men stepped out of the shadows. Their apparent leader walked right up to the two.

Thug: Whoa, Girl on girl action! You’re making me hot!

Ez: Excuse me? Whoa pal you do not want to fuck with me!

Thug: Of course not, I’m not into fatties.

All of the rest of his pack laughed at that, and Ez turned a shade of red I didn’t know was possible.

Ez: Oh! OH! You are… You’re a dead man.

Thug: Shut up and sit down!

He shoved Ez onto the hood of a car and as she sat down on it he snapped his fingers. The scrying eye’s vision blurred as magic interfered with it. As it cleared I saw that Ez was no longer sitting on the hood. She was standing on it, leaning forward, with her arms swept back. She was also metal, chrome, and only 3 inches tall. She had been turned into a hood ornament.

Terry stood there gaping at the now inanimate Ez, the thug walked up to him and waved his hand in her face. Her eyes blanked and stared blindly forward.

Thug: Now, let’s get the cute one back to the house. She’s going to be fun. Aren’t you sweetie?

Terry: Yes

The Goons with Terry piled into the car with Ez on the hood and drove off.

I shut off the eye and sat back in my chair. This wasn’t good. I didn’t know the boy, but I was sure I knew what family he was from. With that nose and that grin, he was a Hain. I had to save Ez.

Coffee Shop Blues

It was a nice cool afternoon in Atlanta. I love the south, it almost never snows. I hate snow. I really hate snow! HATE HATE HATE SNOW!

Um, sorry. Never mind that, it was a nice day out and I was walking with Ez downtown. She had been acting strange since her trip to the Japanese Cartoon Convention. I wondered if she had “Cowed” out while there, but that didn’t seem to be the case. That and there were the reports of other strange things happening there that I had heard on the news.

She was quiet as we walked around which in and of itself was odd. I was getting thirsty and Ez suggested we go to a Starbucks. I like coffee even though I had to get used to chicory as a young lady back during the war. I walked to the counter to order.

“One Coffee please.”

“What kind?” asked the bored looking guy behind the counter.

I looked up to see what flavors they had and felt my eyes cross at the number and names written there. “Uh… Look, just a coffee, its wet, hot, and bitter, please.”

“Tall, Grande, Venti?”

“What did you just call me?!” I decided to turn him into a coffee pot right there.

“She’ll have a tall Mochachino.” Blurted Ez.

He finished our order, charged a carpetbaggers price for it and handed us our drinks. I was still going to zap him later.

As we walked to a seat Ez froze and stared out the window at someone. It was a woman Ez’s age standing in the window beckoning to her. I pretended not to notice as Ez tried to get her to go away with poor hand signals. The girl in the window was ever worst dressed than Ez. Her entire wardrobe looked like she had stolen it from her boyfriend, men’s jeans, a tee shirt and a denim jacket.

“Um, I have to, er, go out and talk to someone. I’ll be right back.” Blurted Ez as she set her cup down and left the shop.

I watched the two walk out of view. Ez had a lot to learn. I closed my eyes and soon was able to look out of my apprentice’s eyes and hear through her ears. It was a spell I had cast on her a while back, it helped keep apprentices out of trouble, and keep them from plotting against you.

“I’m working on it! Look it’s not too bad. You’ll get used to it.” I heard and felt Ez say.

“Used to it?! I don’t wanna get used to this. Can’t you ask her or help? I only agreed because you said it would be temporary!” The other girl wined back.

“It will be temporary, and if I ask her for help you’re liable to wind up in her panty drawer. Besides we did win that prize.”

“Fuck the prize! Do you know how they’re treating me at the Frat? I’m lucky they haven’t raped me yet!”

“What?!! Those Filthy Muther F…”

“Hey, lady you ok?” I looked up with my real eyes and saw a Girl in the Shops uniform looking down at me with a worried look in her eyes.

“Yes, thank you sugar. I’m just, um, tired.” I picked up my drink and sipped it. It was dark before Ez returned. Her hair was even more messy than normal, her shirt was a little more ripped than before, and her mascara, was runny.

“Ahem, sorry that took so long, I uh, that was an old sorority sister of mine form collage she was having some trouble.” He sat down and gulped her now cold Caramel mochachino.

“It happens. What Sorority is she from?”

Ez stared down at her empty cup. “Er, Theta, Gamma, Omega.”

“Hmm, I don’t remember a Sorority with that name, though there is a Fraternity with those letters.”

“Not any more. I need a beer.”

We left and walked over to a near by bar. I didn’t ask any questions. I would find out soon enough. Besides its important not to give an apprentice too short a leash.

Home Alone

For the first time in several weeks I had the house to myself. Ez was talking a little time off to visit with a friend of her’s. Although it was nice having someone else to clean the house, but it was also nice not having silly cartoons on at all hours.

I had just cooked up some coco and put my feet up with my favorite comfy blanket on my lap when I hear the doorbell. Scowling, I set down the mug of hot chocolate and dropped the blanket on to the ground (I could feel its disappointment).

As I opened the door I’m accosted by two vacant headed nit wits in boring out fits. The man, taller and in a dull grey suit, stood in back of a woman in a drab jacket and dress. They both grinned at me with glassy stares.

“Hello, we want to talk to you about our Lord” blurted the woman in and all too practiced manner.

I grinned at them. “Well come on in. I’d love to hear all about him!” I wanted them inside to make sure that they couldn’t get away and to insure privacy.

Now I quite frankly my thoughts on Religion are my own and not anyone else’s business. But I’ve been around long enough for me to be pretty set in my beliefs so I always resent anyone trying to force their ideas on me. I take particular pleasure in adding preachy so-and-sos to my collection. Believe what you want, just keep it to yourself.

As they sat down and started to blather about how they think I should see the world I started to consider what to turn them into. These two didn’t seem like the type I would want to have as underwear, and they were far too boring to use as regular clothing. My stocking drawer was already full of sockotologists, and I had more than enough Jehova’s belts, and I really don’t need any more born again purses.

I looked back at my coco and realized just what I needed! As they rambled on I spun the spell. Their consistent yapping made me almost miss Ez’s dumb cartoons, almost. As the spell finally locked in they suddenly were silent.

I leaned back in my chair, resettled the blanket, picked up my chocolate and enjoyed the silence as well as my two new warm and fuzzy bunny slippers.